written9-8-09

Letter To Quinn:

I remember the day I told your Dad that we had to try one more time for a baby. I said "more than anything in the world I want to be a mom".

In order to have a baby we would have to have someone donate eggs. I was nearly 47 and that was just too old.

So I set about looking for someone that could donate to me. I decided to ask my friend Jamie because I knew she wanted more than anything to help me be a mom. You see in the past she had tried to have a baby for us. And she managed to get pregnant. Then tragedy struck and she lost the baby-your brother Jadon- at just 18 weeks along.

So we set out on the quest to bring a new life into the world.

We went to the fertility clinic and they said they could surely help us.

Jamie had to take many shots and the doctor said that she wasnt developing enough eggs. They were thinking of canceling the cycle. But we were extremely upset. We didnt have enough money to try again. We said no we didnt want to cancel.

The day came for the doctor to collect the eggs. Poor Jamie she was in a lot of pain afterward.

The doctor told us they had gotten only 6 eggs. But we continued and the doctors fertilized the eggs and all the eggs fertilized!

That was a big deal because normally only half of the eggs retrieved fertlize! They let the eggs grow for 3 days. Then on the 3rd day they decided which 3 they wanted to transfer to me. I was terrifed it would not work. I prayed with everything in me.

Five days later, in the morning while daddy slept, I took a home pregnancy test. I waited the alotted 10 minutes and nothing happened. Then very slowly a faint line started to appear. It was so faint that I didnt even know if I was really seeing it. I ran into the bedroom and woke Daddy up. I was crying and holding the test stick. Daddy said "you better not show me a postive test stick" but he was smiling from ear to ear. I showed it to him and he was so happy!!

Everyday(in fact several times a day) after that I redid those tests until the long 2 weeks of waiting were over and I could go have a real pregnancy test at the hospital.Then I had to go home and wait until they called to confirm the pregnancy. I waited what seemed like forever. Then the phone rang and the nurse said "well Colleen you are very pregnant. Your BETA (the name for the test) came in at 664. SIX HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR!!!! WOW!!! That is a very high number. Then she said "we think you may have 3 in there". I was dumbfounded. I did not know if I could carry 3 babies. I prayed to God to take care of us. I prayed so hard. I knew that God knew what he was doing and if I was suppose to have 3 then thats what we would have.

We had to wait 2 more weeks before they did an ultrasound. Two whole weeks of waiting again. Then the day came. The doctor ran the wand over my belly and he said " I see one". One perfect tiny little miracle with a beating heart. I thought the world had swallowed me whole. I was so happy.And Daddy was crying! We were eternally grateful to Jamie. If it werent for Jamie we would never have had this chance to be your parents.

When we went for another scan at 8 weeks you were moving. Then another scan at almost 14 weeks and you were waving your arms and legs. Everytime we saw you we cried.

Then came the scan that showed us you were a boy. Daddy was so proud. He wanted a boy. Then that very next day I felt you kick for the first time. It was December 23rd.

I will never forget it. I loved feeling you inside me growing.

Finally after the longest nine months in the world --you were born. Oh what a wonder you were. At first I was terrified I would hurt you. You were so tiny. And here I was resposible for keeping you alive and healthy. It seemed like an insurmountable task.But after the first week I looked at Daddy and said "wow babe we have kept another human alive for a whole week all by ourselves".

And everyday I fell more and more in love with you. And if ever in this whole world you think no one loves you or cares- always my precious gift ALWAYS remember I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH. I study your fingers and toes everyday. I look at your eyes and you smile up at me and my heart melts.

You always look to see if mama and daddy are watching you because you have made some great discovery or completed some fantastic feat. We are my gorgeous son. We are. And we always will be.

We love you Quinn Gabriel.

Love,

Mama & Daddy